Articles by Ralph Gamelli

Instructions for Viewing the Bottomless Pit

Ralph Gamelli lays some ground rules.

Do I Have Mind Powers, or is There a Likelier Explanation?

Ralph Gamelli might have special powers, but then again, maybe he might not.

Dry Lightning FAQ

Ralph Gamelli answers all of your questions about dry lightning and God’s wrath.

We Made It Through Another Winter

Ralph Gamelli defends his snow-inspired aggressive tendencies.

Please Don’t Misinterpret My Inflammatory Remarks

What Ralph Gamelli said may have sounded offensive, but you simply did not understand his message.

If You’re Reading This…

How acute ursaphobia (fear of bears) affects Ralph Gamelli’s life.

Behind the Scenes of the Viral Video

Ralph Gamelli presents an exclusive backstage look at Guy Gets Nailed in Crotch with Golf Club.

The Seven Most Annoying Coworkers (Who are Actually Face-Eating Aliens in Disguise)

Ralph Gamelli thinks his fellow employees are pretty irritating, especially when they’re planning to destroy Earth.

Protect Yourself from Scammers

Everywhere you turn, there are people trying to take advantage of you. Ralph Gamelli teaches you how to deal with scammers, con artists, and worse. Ralph Gamelli teaches you how to stop being a victim.

Bigfoot Sightings in My Apartment Building

Ralph Gamelli catches brief glimpses of the cryptozoological beast.

Instructions on My Defrosting

Ralph Gamelli has some specific directions for when and how he is defrosted. Please read closely.

Writing the Submission Guidelines for Magazines I’ve Never Read

Seriously though, Ralph Gamelli has never read any of these.